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On Wednesday, January 25, 2012, I attempted suicide. Unfortunately, my plan to pass peacefully in my sleep was thwarted by the arrival of the police contacted by well meaning members of this board.
I am 65 years old and live in constant pain. In addition, my mind is deteriorating rapidly to the point that I live more and more in a mental fog. I do not consider myself as living, but existing, and poorly at that. I’ve been out of work for more than two years and the savings and investments I had accumulated are almost gone. I have foolishly supplemented my monthly income by using credit cards to cover the shortfall and now owe the credit card companies more than $30,000. I have a large life insurance policy that will pay on suicide after the initial 2 years (passed long ago), so I thought of that ending my miserable life might give my wife and daughter a much better future. Now, I have no idea of what that future might be, but I suspect they will be in shelter someplace with me in a mental ward or a nursing home.
Scot by blood, Southerner by Birth, Auburn Tiger by choice - War Eagle!
Man it's good to hear from you. I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. I pray for you and your wife and daughter. This post really puts life into perspective. You know we say we are a family and I believe that and that means we are here for each other!
Know that right now there are people praying for you and your family. I will continue to pray daily for your situation. I hope that you can feel the calming warmth of those prayers. God Bless.
And because Auburn men and women believe in these things, I believe in Auburn and love it.
-George Petrie (1945)
I, along with others I'm sure, am praying for you. Find Jesus Christ and asked for his guidance through it all because he's aware of what your going through. When Jesus kicked my feet out from underneath me, I had nowhere to look but up. The pain you are feeling was a thousand times fold when Jesus died on the cross to save me and you brother. Praying for you my friend that you find peace and comfort from the pain and direction and solutions to the financial issues. Know that zero money is worth losing you to your wife and daughter. Thanks for updating us and look forward to your insight on this recruiting season and football season. Godspeed my friend and War Eagle!!!
Sooo glad you're still with us! Sent you a PM.
“they ain't got nothing but people...Alabama mystique...Georgia mystique...they’ve done it with people. Hell, we’ve got people, too.”Pat Dye
Scottish by Blood, Southerner by Birth, War Eagle by Choice
Good friends are hard to find. Enjoy every moment you have with them.
kick 'em in the ass, big blue.
My thoughts and prayers continue to go out to you and your family. I hope you get to a place where the resources avaiable to you become a reality whether it be mental health, church or even finiancial. I pray soon you will find hope; with hope you can find peace.
Peace be with you my friend. Your auburn family cares!
" I do understand the Auburn spirit is real and that it is alive and well."
I too lost all monetary possessions 3 years ago as well as a first marriage - all culminating within 3 weeks although I did not lose my health. That must be really tough. But the love of my God and love of my family saw me through and that is what will see you through as well. You HAVE both of those things so I KNOW you can make it through this. Your family NEEDS YOU and NOT material possessions. I'm no expert but judging by your posts, you are still sharper than you might think. In the immortal words of deceased NC State basketball coach and a hero of mine Jimmy Valvano - Don't give up, Don't EVER give up.
Your Auburn brother,
One never truly knows the burdens that a brother may be carrying, one can only hope that he has ask his lord Jesus Christ to help him carry that load. A great book to read in times like these is the Book of Job, he faced troubles that none of if could likely bear. It touches my heart to know that we have people from all walks of life and from different backgrounds and philosophies that truly doesn't know you, yet they care so much about you to worry about you and offer to help you carry the load. Bankruptcy is a much better alternative for your financial issues, and it happens to the best of us. Lawyers will help you keep your belongings, and in cases like yours it's nothing to be ashamed of. Hang in there and keep your head up, and as coach chizik would say "watch out for those imposters".
I was in a similar situation finalncially after divorce, the company I worked for for 16 years went under and when i didn't think it could get worse, It did. I took a long hard look and reevaluated my life and what is important. Friends and Family can get you through anything when all fight together. I sold anything I could get a dollar for from watchees to coins to aluminum cans.turned off cable tv, cell phones, regular phones and lived with off the cheapest of everything. I got through it all and turned my life around, have a great job working for a rising company, Got my Kids, a new wife and life is good. Giving up is not an option, Having you around is better for your family is worth more than any life insurance policy. I lost my father in a car acceident when I was 19. I told him I loved him and got a big old bear hug every time we said goodbye. I still think of him and wish he was here for evey milestone in my life, the birth of each of my kids. Don't give up for them.
This post was edited by tgb64 2 years ago
Your wife and daughter don't want your life insurance money...THEY WANT YOU. You need your family and they need you. Don't take the selfish way out. Keep fighting man
VH, really appreciate you sharing your struggles with us. I don't claim to know the pain and suffering you are going thru but I am very relieved to know you are still with us. I do know the concern for your life was sincerly displayed by the AU brothers and sisters. I also know that even though we don't really know each other I was deeply concerned for you and anxiously awaited some type of hope that some of us had made a difference in the outcome. From reading thru your response I am not sure you are happy that your AU family reached out. I assure you your AU family is happy they reached out but just think how much better your wife and daughter are to still have you. I am sure that they need you much more than any insurance policy. Money is great but love brings true happiness. Hang in there brother.
Alot of people care about you on this board as you can see. I know your wife and daughter do to. But more than any is your heavenly father that just wants to take his arms and put around you. He wants to love on you and take away that burden. Just reach out and let god guide you!
Been there man. if you ever need to talk, send me a message and we will hook up.
This post was edited by Wishiwasbo 2 years ago
Auburn Brother, remember that nothing happens by chance. The days of your life as well as the number of hairs on your head, (mine is a short, short count btw), are numbered. With each there is a specific purpose. We care and intervened because we were doing Gods work.. being his hands and feet. You have work yet to do before you can rest and be with your Lord.
Nobody can say what it is... but that you're still here tells me all that I have to know. You face a difficult and uncertain future. But I can tell you this... you do not face it alone. Draw strength from faith but also draw strength from those who are honored to walk with you when you are in need. At points in each of our lives we are taken low by what life brings. I believe actually more than you can take.....alone. But it's because God wants you to understand that you can get through anything if you put your faith in him and allow him to work in your life. That work is what each of us does in our daily lives.
I'm sorry for your pain....but I'm glad you're still with us. Remember... stay positive... and know your life's work isn't yet complete.
What a joy to hear your words (as in hearing your voice). My heart and my prayers go out to you and your family as you live with the pain and other struggles each day. I am sending you a PM as well. God bless you and your family and His healing mercies be upon you.
Grace and peace.
Imagine your wife finding you dead that morning. That would be a nightmare she would have to relive everyday for the rest of her life. It would be so unfair to put her through that. Seeing a dead body is not something you ever get over. Especially when it is the person you have shared your life with. Suicide is never the answer and it isn't God's plan for you. Please do not trade the trappings of this very short life for eternity. God is the only one who should decide life and death. God wants to hold you through this, but you have to let Him! I am praying for you and your family.
This post was edited by godfather 2 years ago
Every post on this board is with you and praying on your behalf.
It is very difficult...bout nigh impossible... to comprehend and then accept the spiritual nature that is Gods grace when one such as yourself is going through the slough of despond.
Hundreds of years ago a poor preacher wrote a a masterpiece from prison called the Pilgrims Progress, trust me it will help anyone going through any circumstance.
Also, God's means of spiritual grace is in the form of human intervention.
Please contact your Pastor or a Christian counselor, or anyone that you know is a man/woman of their word.
God bless you friend.
This post was edited by maptinkler 2 years ago
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